Flipped That House

Verse

I was cruisin’ down a gravel road, beer in my hand

Saw a shotgun shack leanin’ like a drunk in the wind

Realtor said “Son, that’s a steal for twenty grand”

So I called up the bank, lied a little, shook the devil’s hand

Chorus

I flipped that house, Lord, I flipped it good

Found a stash of dirty magazines under the plywood

Dildos in the drawer, looked like they’d been through hell

I was curious and dumb, so I gave ’em a spell

Lost two grand on the deal, but my tail was on fire

That house took my money, but it lit my desire

Verse

Contractors laughed when they saw what I bought

Termites doin’ the two-step, wiring shot

I swung that hammer till my palms went raw

But every night I’d sneak back, wonderin’ what I saw

Chorus

Yeah I flipped that house, Lord, I flipped it clean

Sold it to a yuppie couple chasin’ the American dream

They smiled real sweet, handed me the check

I smiled right back with a limp in my step

Lost two grand on the deal, but my tail was on fire

That house took my money, but it lit my desire

Bridge

Now I’m sittin’ on my porch, ice pack on my pride

Watchin’ that new paint shine where my dignity died

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose

Sometimes you walk funny in brand-new boots

Chorus

I flipped that house, boys, I flipped it true

Made a little less cash, learned a thing or two

If you see a bargain that looks too damn cheap

Check the nightstand, son, before you leap

I lost two grand on the deal, but my tail’s still sore

And I’d probably do it again… hell, maybe one house more

Outro

Flip on, cowboys. Just bring your own toys.