Can't Touch This

Intro

Yo, Ray Lewis’ Elbow Brace, three-time champ, can’t touch this,

First place forever, y’all just witnesses to my clutch-ness,

Thanksgiving vibes, turkey on the table, I’m eatin’ good,

Shoutout Brotto for Henderson, stole him like a thief in the hood,

Unfair trade? Nah, that’s just me playin’ 4D chess,

You gift-wrapped a W, now watch me flex!

Verse

Big ups to Billy, da Commish, runnin’ this league like a king,

Schedules on point, payouts quick, you do your thing,

BUT... draftin’ that squad? Bro, what were you thinkin’?

Gave me 28 free points, your team’s straight stinkin’,

You got Gibbed hard, Sun God blanked, oof that’s rough,

But let’s be real, I’d still win even if my bench showed up!

Verse

Laurent, EstiTayeule, second place beast mode,

Puttin’ up numbers that make grown men reload,

Next week we dance, big matchup, bring your A-game,

But Andrew? Seven Ls in a row with Puka AND Amon-Ra? Insane!

Sun God and Nacua, that’s cheat-code material,

Losin’ with THAT duo? Bro, that’s a burial!

Verse

Happy American Thanksgiving, Paco still gettin’ stuffed,

Two years runnin’, third helping, man you can’t get enough,

Matchup though? *yawn* Who cares, it’s filler,

Like cranberry sauce nobody eats, just chillin’ on the pillar.

Verse

Javonte for Gibbs! Javonte for Gibbs!

Javonte for Gibbs! *crowd: WHAT’D HE GIVE?!*

Grandpa would’ve won with Jahmyrr in the mix,

Gibbs dropped 35, that’s Matty’s WHOLE team, no tricks!

Probable Sleeper? More like Probable Weeper,

Chris cookin’ trades worse than my grandma’s meatloaf, straight sleeper!

Verse

Tony, rock-paper-scissors, luck’s playin’ games,

High points, bad record, fantasy’s cruel flames,

Last year? No points, STILL made playoffs, wildin’,

This year? All points, still dyin’, perfect timin’,

Only constant? No postseason, sorry not sorry,

Luca, save them trade offers, next year you’ll be starry!

Verse

Aight, this song’s draggy, we 5 minutes deep,

Simon vs Max? Bro, put us all to sleep,

Njigba or Trump hats, don’t matter the flair,

This matchup’s so mid, I’m ghostin’ mid-air!

Outro

Y’all tremblin’, I see it, fourth ring comin’ soon,

Dynasty forever, y’all just rentin’ the room,

My wife said “Ray, let ’em win, they look so sad”,

Rather skip steak dinner than watch y’all get more mad,

Be grateful you’re near greatness, soak in the glow,

Happy Thanksgiving, losers, RLEB out, LET’S GO!