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Landon Can't Read by abby | Neume
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Landon Can't Read
abby
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“
”
A roast rap about a boy named landon who can't read
Lyrics
Ayy, yo, Landon in the building—or can't read the sign?
(He can't read) Battle time, roast mode, let's expose the crime
Yuh, pencils down, books closed, this dude's illiterate prime
Landon, boy, you stare at words like they aliens from Mars,
Page one got you sweatin', can't pronounce "the" or "stars"
Tryna spell your name? L-A-N, wait, what's that third part?
D-O-N? Nah, you draw a donkey, think it's modern art (yuh!)
Menu at the diner, you point like a caveman lost,
"Uh, gimme the thing with the squiggles, yeah, the one that costs"
Text from your girl? Emoji soup, you reply with a ghost,
She like "WTF?" You like "Double U? Tee? Eff? What's that post?" (ayy!)
Driver's test? You crash the car 'fore you read the rules,
Stop sign? You think it's a suggestion for fools
Job interview, resume blank, you just doodle and drool,
Boss says "Sign here," you autograph with a pool (splash!)
School was a myth, report card all Fs for "Forgot Font,"
Teacher said "Read this," you ate the book for lunch—salty font (brr!)
Library card? Denied, you tried to lick the barcode clean,
Landon, land on literacy, or stay stuck in the dumb machine
Wordplay? You play words like tag—you run away screamin'
Landon can't read, can't read, can't read, no! (can't read!)
Landon can't read, can't read, can't read, slow! (too slow!)
Books got him shook, letters make him fold (fold up!)
Landon can't read, can't read—eternal roast mode! (ayy, burn!)
Landon can't read, can't read, can't read, no! (nope!)
Landon can't read, can't read, can't read—straight joke! (haha!)
Ayy, fantasy football? You draft by the pictures, clown,
Quarterback jersey? You wear it inside out, upside down
GPS voice say "turn left," you spin right into a ditch,
Blame the robot, "She mumble, I swear, that witch!" (skrrt!)
Love letter from crush? You frame it as abstract paint,
"Yo, this red squiggle fire, what's it say? Constraint?"
Bible study? Genesis got you genesis-lost in sauce,
"You are forgiven"? Nah, you think it's "Yew R. Big Finn" boss
Contract for the crib? You sign with an X like treasure map fail,
Landlord evict you quick, "Can't read the fine print tale"
Mixtape dreams? Bars weaker than your sight on text,
Freestyle 'bout nothin', 'cause readin' bars got you vexed (vexed!)
Prescription meds? You pop 'em like candy, no dose,
Doctor like "Take two," you take twenty—overdose roast
Landon, upgrade that brain, or stay menu-blind king,
Roast eternal, illiterati, hear the dis bell ring!
Landon can't read, can't read, can't read, no! (can't read!)
Landon can't read, can't read, can't read, slow! (too slow!)
Books got him shook, letters make him fold (fold up!)
Landon can't read, can't read—eternal roast mode! (ayy, burn!)
Landon can't read, can't read, can't read, n
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