Landon Can't Rap

Intro

Ayy, yo, Landon, step up to the mic, kid

But we all know you 'bout to trip and skid (skrrt!)

Time to expose that fake flow, uh-huh

Landon can't rap, that's the real lowdown, yuh!

Verse

Landon, you grab that mic like it's hot potato,

Spit bars so weak, they evaporate, no vapor.

Your rhymes land like birds on a wire, all shaky,

Flappin' empty wings, no punch, just quaky.

Call you Land-on-fail, crashin' every verse,

Words tumble out worse than a toddler's curse.

You mumble and stumble, bars all jumbled up,

Sound like a blender with the lid popped up (brrr!).

Freestyle? Nah, you freeze like deer in lights,

Pause for five seconds, then recite nursery rhymes.

"Twinkle twinkle," that's your whole arsenal,

While I'm droppin' bombs, you just nibble the gruel.

Landon the amateur, amateur hour king,

Mic grip so loose, it slips right off the ring.

You battle? Please, you'd lose to a Speak & Spell,

Beep-boop bars, kid, go back to your shell.

Ayy, your flow's slower than dial-up modem,

While I'm broadband blastin', you're stuck in the modem.

Landin' no hits, just flubs and misses,

Your rap career? One big awkward kiss.

Chorus

Landon can't rap, nah, he can't rap (can't rap!)

Landon can't rap, nah, he can't rap (can't rap!)

Mic in his hand, but it's all cap (all cap!)

Landon can't rap, that's a wrap (that's a wrap!)

Can't rap, can't rap, Landon flop (flop, flop!)

Can't rap, can't rap, mic drop (drop, drop!)

Yuh, Landon can't rap! (Can't rap!)

Ayy, Landon can't rap! (Can't rap!)

Verse

Yo, Landon, your punchlines softer than cotton balls,

Hit like a feather, no sting, just small-talk stalls.

You rhyme "cat" with "hat," basic playground level,

I'm multisyllabic devil, leavin' you unravelled.

Practice in the mirror? Still lookin' confused,

Mouth movin' funny, but the words abused.

Your ad-libs? "Uh... um... wait," that's weak sauce,

I'm "ayy skrrt yuh," flossin' with the boss sauce.

Landon, you land on beats like a bad parachute,

Tangled and twisted, absolute refute.

Crew laughs behind you, "He tried, bless his heart,"

But facts don't lie, kid, you fell apart.

From the jump, your intro's a yawn-fest disaster,

No energy, no fire, just bland like plaster.

Step off the stage, leave rappin' to the pros,

Landon can't rap, everybody knows (knows, knows!).

One more try? Nah, save your breath for homework,

Your bars belong in a comic book dork work.

Chorus

Landon can't rap, nah, he can't rap (can't rap!)

Landon can't rap, nah, he can't rap (can't rap!)

Mic in his hand, but it's all cap (all cap!)

Landon can't rap, that's a wrap (that's a wrap!)

Can't rap, can't rap, Landon flop (flop, flop!)

Can't rap, can't rap, mic drop (drop, drop!)

Yuh, Landon can't rap! (Can't rap!)

Ayy, Landon can't rap! (Can't rap!)

Outro

Yeah