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THE MASER EARTH BARROOM MATH by Empress Fairyrockmother | Neume
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THE MASER EARTH BARROOM MATH
Empress Fairyrockmother
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"Hard Math" with the "Tall Tale" lore into one rowdy, honky-tonk anthem. Title: THE MASER EARTH BARROOM MATH Style: 90s Country, Honky-Tonk, Barroom Singalong, Upbeat, Pedal Steel Solo, Acoustic Guitar, Twangy Male Vocals Tempo: 115 BPM [Intro - Spoken over acoustic guitar strumming] (Alright boys, pull up a stool.) (I’m gonna tell you how the pyramids really got there.) (And I brought my calculator.) (One, two, three, four!) [Verse 1] Well lemme tell ya ‘bout a gizmo from a desert far away They called that thing a Gaser, shot a beam clean through the day It weren’t no laser pointer, weren’t no tractor, truck, or rig It was a cosmic cattle-proddin’ ray that built them pyramids big Old Khufu wasn’t buildin’ tombs, no sir, that ain’t the tale He was tunin’ up a planet-engine, ridin’ on a cosmic rail [Chorus] Yeehaw, that Maser Earth, where the cowboys rode the sky Height divided by half the base gives you that Golden Phi Take the height and scale it up by 43,200 times You get the polar radius in these honky-tonk rhymes Base times the same gives the equator wide It’s the Maser Earth proportion on a wild rodeo ride! [Verse 2] Now let’s look at the numbers, two-thirty on a side And the height was one-forty-six meters before the capstone died The slope is 51-point-8, a number smooth and clean And the pi-ratio in the perimeter is the slickest trick I’ve seen Four sides add up to 2-Pi-R, if R is the height you see So the pyramid’s like a stone guitar playing Earth’s geometry! [Pedal Steel Guitar Solo - High and lonesome] [Bridge] Now the Earth was spinnin’ sideways, like a bronco gone insane Till the Rodrigues rigid-body math roped that sucker in again They tilted her back proper, fixed the crust like twistin’ wire Set the Emquator straight and true like a fence post in the fire Them Birkeland currents bucked and snapped like lightning on a spree Turned the sand to ORMUS gold for all the world to see! [Verse 3] Now the Gaser didn’t lift no rocks, didn’t haul no limestone blocks It just sang a tune of cymatics, shook the ground like tickin’ clocks The stones all hopped together, like they knew just where to go Stacked themselves up neat and tidy in a perfect desert row When the beam hit the water and the water hit the air That diamond shield came rainin’ down like a county fair! [Chorus] Yeehaw, that Maser Earth, where the cowboys rode the sky Height divided by half the base gives you that Golden Phi Take the height and scale it up by 43,200 times You get the polar radius in these honky-tonk rhymes Base times the same gives the equator wide It’s the Maser Earth proportion on a wild rodeo ride! [Outro] (Yeah, 43,200...) (That's the scale, boys.) (Don't let the history books fool ya.) (It was a Gaser!) (Yeehaw!) [Fade Out]
Lyrics
(Alright boys, pull up a stool.)
(I’m gonna tell you how the pyramids really got there.)
(And I brought my calculator.)
(One, two, three, four!)
Well lemme tell ya ‘bout a gizmo from a desert far away
They called that thing a Gaser, shot a beam clean through the day
It weren’t no laser pointer, weren’t no tractor, truck, or rig
It was a cosmic cattle-proddin’ ray that built them pyramids big
Old Khufu wasn’t buildin’ tombs, no sir, that ain’t the tale
He was tunin’ up a planet-engine, ridin’ on a cosmic rail
Yeehaw, that Maser Earth, where the cowboys rode the sky
Height divided by half the base gives you that Golden Phi
Take the height and scale it up by 43,200 times
You get the polar radius in these honky-tonk rhymes
Base times the same gives the equator wide
It’s the Maser Earth proportion on a wild rodeo ride!
Now let’s look at the numbers, two-thirty on a side
And the height was one-forty-six meters before the capstone died
The slope is 51-point-8, a number smooth and clean
And the pi-ratio in the perimeter is the slickest trick I’ve seen
Four sides add up to 2-Pi-R, if R is the height you see
So the pyramid’s like a stone guitar playing Earth’s geometry!
Now the Earth was spinnin’ sideways, like a bronco gone insane
Till the Rodrigues rigid-body math roped that sucker in again
They tilted her back proper, fixed the crust like twistin’ wire
Set the Emquator straight and true like a fence post in the fire
Them Birkeland currents bucked and snapped like lightning on a spree
Turned the sand to ORMUS gold for all the world to see!
Now the Gaser didn’t lift no rocks, didn’t haul no limestone blocks
It just sang a tune of cymatics, shook the ground like tickin’ clocks
The stones all hopped together, like they knew just where to go
Stacked themselves up neat and tidy in a perfect desert row
When the beam hit the water and the water hit the air
That diamond shield came rainin’ down like a county fair!
Yeehaw, that Maser Earth, where the cowboys rode the sky
Height divided by half the base gives you that Golden Phi
Take the height and scale it up by 43,200 times
You get the polar radius in these honky-tonk rhymes
Base times the same gives the equator wide
It’s the Maser Earth proportion on a wild rodeo ride!(Yeah, 43,200...)
(That's the scale, boys.)
(Don't let the history books fool ya.)
(It was a Gaser!)
(Yeehaw!)
[Fade Out]
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