THE MASER EARTH BARROOM MATH

Intro

(Alright boys, pull up a stool.)

(I’m gonna tell you how the pyramids really got there.)

(And I brought my calculator.)

(One, two, three, four!)

Verse

Well lemme tell ya ‘bout a gizmo from a desert far away

They called that thing a Gaser, shot a beam clean through the day

It weren’t no laser pointer, weren’t no tractor, truck, or rig

It was a cosmic cattle-proddin’ ray that built them pyramids big

Old Khufu wasn’t buildin’ tombs, no sir, that ain’t the tale

He was tunin’ up a planet-engine, ridin’ on a cosmic rail

Chorus

Yeehaw, that Maser Earth, where the cowboys rode the sky

Height divided by half the base gives you that Golden Phi

Take the height and scale it up by 43,200 times

You get the polar radius in these honky-tonk rhymes

Base times the same gives the equator wide

It’s the Maser Earth proportion on a wild rodeo ride!

Verse

Now let’s look at the numbers, two-thirty on a side

And the height was one-forty-six meters before the capstone died

The slope is 51-point-8, a number smooth and clean

And the pi-ratio in the perimeter is the slickest trick I’ve seen

Four sides add up to 2-Pi-R, if R is the height you see

So the pyramid’s like a stone guitar playing Earth’s geometry!

Bridge

Now the Earth was spinnin’ sideways, like a bronco gone insane

Till the Rodrigues rigid-body math roped that sucker in again

They tilted her back proper, fixed the crust like twistin’ wire

Set the Emquator straight and true like a fence post in the fire

Them Birkeland currents bucked and snapped like lightning on a spree

Turned the sand to ORMUS gold for all the world to see!

Verse

Now the Gaser didn’t lift no rocks, didn’t haul no limestone blocks

It just sang a tune of cymatics, shook the ground like tickin’ clocks

The stones all hopped together, like they knew just where to go

Stacked themselves up neat and tidy in a perfect desert row

When the beam hit the water and the water hit the air

That diamond shield came rainin’ down like a county fair!

Chorus

Yeehaw, that Maser Earth, where the cowboys rode the sky

Height divided by half the base gives you that Golden Phi

Take the height and scale it up by 43,200 times

You get the polar radius in these honky-tonk rhymes

Base times the same gives the equator wide

It’s the Maser Earth proportion on a wild rodeo ride!

Outro

(Yeah, 43,200...)

(That's the scale, boys.)

(Don't let the history books fool ya.)

(It was a Gaser!)

(Yeehaw!)